In case you didn’t gather it from the title of this post, one of my BFF’s is engaged to be married. Naturally, I’m thrilled for her. It feels surreal and being the highly sensitive person that I am, I have so many emotions that are spilling out of me every time I think about how we used to prank phone call her now fiance, AND NOW THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED. It feels like yesterday, and yet it’s been years.
Now, all niceties aside, let’s get real for a minute here. While I’m beyond excited for my beautiful BFF, I can't help but wonder all those things every girl wonders (but is likely too polite to say out loud) when she sees yet another engagement announcement on Instagram or finds out her best friend is engaged.
Obviously, I’m not writing this to flatter myself. I’m writing this because I’m selfish and it feels good to get this off my chest. Also because it's wedding season, which means a rollercoaster of emotions, so maybe this might make you laugh or smile or something. And also, because if you’re anything like me, maybe you’ll feel a little better about yourself, knowing you’re not alone when you’re screenshotting wedding rings and leaving your phone out hoping your boyfriend will get the hint, because now that your BFF is getting married...the pressure is on!
10 Totally Guilty Thoughts You Have When Your Best Friend is Engaged to be Married
1. Holy F&*k, my BFF is getting married!
It was a day, like any other day. I was probably sitting in my writing dungeon, writing things for littlefoolbook while simultaneously planning my future wedding on Pinterest and drinking unspeakable amounts of coffee. When I got a notification on my phone, I jumped at the opportunity for distraction and immediately swiped left to open up a photo of my BFF drinking a beer on a beach. “Lucky bitch,” I probably thought. (And when I say “bitch” here, I mean it in the nicest and most loving way.)
And then I noticed the ring on her left-hand ring finger, wrapped around the beer can. “Lucky bitch!” I definitely thought. (Again, in the nicest way possible.)
I’m pretty sure my heart leaped out of my chest, and I probably would have eaten my shirt if it meant I could teleport myself to that beach and squeeze my newly engaged BFF in person. Because OMG, these are the moments we talk about during our slumber parties, and on our road trips and our girls nights out. And it’s all happening!
Yes, the initial response was one of sheer happiness, excitement, and love. (See, I’m not a total monster.) I couldn’t wait to hear all the details. I couldn’t wait to celebrate the news. I couldn’t wait just to see my BFF and ogle her and her new fiance IRL.
2. ...I sort of always thought I would be the first one to get married…
And then the news settles in. You begin to process it. Your boyfriend comes home from work, and you tell him the exciting news half expecting him to get down on one knee right then and there and propose, because dammit, you deserve a wedding, too. And when he reacts like a normal human being with a, “Wow! That’s so exciting, babe!” you can’t help but feel slightly slighted by him.
Let me repeat, I know nothing about this confession is flattering. I’m not proud that my natural secondary response to my BFF’s exciting news was one of jealousy. Even less proud that the pressures of modern society make me feel that, as an unmarried woman in my late 20’s, I’m somehow a failure.
I know better than to equate a ring on my finger with success, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t still want it, like really badly. I feel guilty about that. I feel guilty that my pure and absolute happiness for my BFF exists alongside my unsavory envy over something as materialistic as a ring on a very specific finger. Because I’m one of the lucky ones, while I don’t have a diamond or a date on the calendar to show for it (yet), I do have love. And that is more than enough.
3. I better be a f*&king bridesmaid!
A week passes, and you’re over the fact that your BF hasn’t impulsively proposed to you yet after hearing the news. You’re starting to get excited over all the many details of your best friends wedding.
will she have a summer wedding or a winter wedding?
What colors will she choose?
Where will the wedding be?
Who will be in the wedding party...OMG, who will be in the wedding party? I’ll be a bridesmaid, right? Like she’s my BFF, but am I her BFF? OMG, I BETTER BE A F*&KING BRIDESMAID.
You go over every moment and milestone of your friendship in your head and turn them into points in your favor for being chosen as a bridesmaid. You count up every photo you’ve ever taken together and add that to all the times you’ve @’d one another on Instagram. There’s a lot of points. You get tired of counting. You’re fairly sure you've made the bridesmaid list, but she hasn’t liked your last 5 photos on Instagram, and you wonder if your friendship is on the rocks? You take 3 deep breaths and rationalize that she probably just didn’t see them. Your friendship is fine. The two of you have like a bajillion inside jokes together; you coined a song together. It’s all going to be OKAY.
4. So... should I start writing my speech now or later?
Okay, so I get to give a speech, right? Because, people need to know that she’s MY BFF, and any which way that I can wrangle myself into this wedding, will do.
5. This is going to be the BEST bachelorette party ever!
The third best thing about your BFF getting married — just behind the fact that your BFF has found love in this big, scary world, and the actual wedding, itself — is the bachelorette party.
Okay, fine. It's the first best thing. And yes, I totally feel guilty admitting that, but come on — when else do the girls have this good of an excuse to get a little wild on the weekend?
6. Note to self: This wedding isn’t about me. This wedding isn’t about me. This wedding isn’t about me.
I just had a flashback of the moment I cornered my BFF and her fiance — after one too many glasses of red wine, mind you — and demanded I be able to give a speech at their wedding. Now my heart is racing, and I’m having a panic attack. Am I the BFF from hell?
BRB, gotta go send BFF a message to apologize for coming on (way) too strong.
7. So...if my BFF is getting married, does that make her new husband my BFF-in-law?
OMG, we’re going to have so much fun together! I mean, I’ve been third-wheeling them for like 5 years now, this is really quite a natural progression. Now I can third-wheel them in married life, too.
8. Wahhhh. I’m never getting married.
There’s nothing like your BFF’s fast approaching wedding to make you feel like you’re an unlovable human who will never have a wedding of her own.
Even though I have a long term boyfriend. Even though we’ve had many discussions about getting married. Even though we’ve discussed all the important things like what style of engagement ring I want and stuff. It still feels like, because it’s not happening now, it’s never going to happen.
I don’t understand the psychology behind it, so please don’t ask.
9. MUST GET MARRIED.
When you’ve finished with your pity party — finished the chocolate, polished off the wine, and got back on your feet — you find a renewed spark in your love life that stems from the notion that you just really gotta get this show on the road so you and your BFF can still fulfill the dream of having babies at the same time.
Also. You love your boyfriend and want to spend the rest of your life with him. Yeah, that too.
10. Holy F&*k, my BFF is getting married!
And such is life, everything comes full circle. Once you get over your own insecurities, you revert to your initial excitement: OMG, my BFF is getting married!!!
And while this is a major milestone in your BFF and her soon-to-be-husband’s life, it’s also a major milestone in your friendship. Because she chose and invited you to be there with her on that day, to share in her love story, to witness one of the best days of her life.
And friendships like that are rare.
And this is love, and this is life and isn’t it beautiful?